A list for Friday

1. This girl.

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She’s coming to visit us in two weeks! Poor Florida baby is gonna freeze!

When her parents told her she was going to SD this was her reaction:

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Haha!

Cleo will be 4 months old tomorrow! She is such a precious little monkey and we can’t wait to love on her! And we get to see Jim too which means we’ll eat like kings and queens as he’s an awesome cook! Yes. Yes we will make him cook on his vacation!

We usually get a Cleo picture of the day. This was what we got this morning:

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Haha, she’s so funny!

2. This boy.

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He cracks me up every day. We have a morning ritual of him asking for help to get dressed, and me telling him he can do it by himself, and then me giving in and helping him. (Please no parenting advice, I need to pick my battles!)

This morning I said, “Caleb when you are married are you gonna call your momma every morning and ask me to come help you get dressed?”

He said, “No. I’ll have my wife help me.”

Hahaha.

3. This girl.

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My precious Angel cakes. She’s been sad the last few days. She cried as she told me two nights ago at bedtime that she misses Grama and Papa and Allie  dog and our farm and the farm animals and her mothie.

(She captured a moth a few weeks back and of course it died. She’s been traumatized by it dying. :( )

I hug her and rub her back and tell her it’s ok to be sad. I don’t know what else to say.

4. The farm

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I too miss the farm so much. I know I have to let it go, and I think I’m slowly doing that. Loss is hard especially when others don’t understand or it seems like not that big of a loss. To me it was a huge loss and it put a hole in my heart that hopefully will heal.

5. This study.

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I’ve done it two times before and now I’m doing it a third time with a group of loving, compassionate ladies. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to be real and raw and wide open with the struggle of distorted thoughts.

6. This.

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I was nervous and scared and overwhelmed with starting the Partial Hospital Program. But I have learned so much about myself. God has and is using it to bring great healing.

7. This guy.

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I love him so much! Grey hair and all.

(I am ignoring the filthy kitchen. My filthy kitchen does not define who I am. Despite my filthy kitchen I am strong, I am brave, I am loved! :) )

8. This song.

Come out of sadness
From wherever you’ve been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin

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Overwhelmtion

I first penned the word overwhelmtion back in 2007. Pat and I had just experienced a second failed adoption and were beginning the enormous task of completing paperwork a third time. In addition to being stressed with adoption paperwork, emotions and questions, we were also just trying to live out our life, grow our marriage and be good parents to our two teenagers Holly and Cody.

As I was thinking about all the feelings I was experiencing, the only word I could find to describe it was overwhelmtion.

Overwhelmtion: Being way more overwhelmed than just overwhelmed.

Can you relate? I’m sure that many of you reading this can relate. Overwhelmtion looks different to everyone. For me it started that day in 2007 but it didn’t end there.

We were blessed with our baby girl Angel in December 2007. What an amazing miracle and blessing. Three months later I discovered I was pregnant. The first time in nine years when I wasn’t praying to get pregnant, and I find myself weeping in the bathroom with a 6-month old and three positive pregnancy tests. I was weeping not out of joy but out of fear and overwhelmtion – I could barely handle being a mom to one baby, how would I be able to be a mom to two babies?

At the time I didn’t realize that those two babies would be a cake walk compared to the strong-willed kids my precious children would turn out to be. Once again, I can’t seem to escape from the overwhelmtion that would creep into my life.

I experienced overwhelmtion like I never had before in June of 2012. Or I thought it would be the worst overwhelmtion I would experience. Questions that turned into fear that turned into the reality of both my parents gone too soon. Yes they were with Jesus but I needed them more. I couldn’t imagine life without them, and honestly I still can’t imagine life without them. But since I didn’t have a choice, I had to keep on living life one day at a time, overwhelmtion and all.

Once again, overwhelmtion snuck up on me in May of 2014. I thought I was healing from the loss of Mom and Dad, and then out of nowhere we lost our farm, killing a dream that until this day still makes me tear up. The day after we moved back into Sioux Falls, Pat lost his job unexpectedly. He handled it much better than I did and it seemed like the overwhelmtion of it all would suffocate me. The past five months have been filled with darkness and hopelessness and overwhelmtion like I have never experienced.

As you may know, three weeks ago I checked myself into an inpatient behavioral health hospital. I feared for my well-being and I was finally able to admit it to Pat and cry out for help. The last two and a half weeks of outpatient treatment and counseling have been a healing balm to my soul. God has used His Word, family, friends and caring counselors to slowly begin the stripping away of months and years of grief, despair and fears.

I know that overwhelmtion may still creep up on me again some day. But I also know that it’s ok. It’s ok because there is one thing that is even more overwhelming than my overwhelmtion.

And that is God’s love.

One of the scriptures I have clung to during the past few weeks is Joshua 1:9

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.

I received a message from my aunt today. She wanted to share with me that when her mom died (my grandma), her, my mom and my other aunt prayed together. She said that my mom quoted Joshua 1:9 and said that she felt God wanted our family to claim that scripture.

That is the overwhelming love of God, friends.

His overwhelming love and strength can pierce any trial, struggle or burden. He walks with us and often times He carries us.

Whatever overwhelmtion you are facing today, I pray that you would know of God’s overwhelming love for you. He loves you so much. Despite the questions you have, the burdens you carry, the doubt that seems so heavy you think it will consume you, God is stronger than any of it. Be overwhelmed today. Not by worry and concern, fear or doubt.

Be overwhelmed today by God’s love for you.

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My baby girl is 7!

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Angel turned 7 on October 24th! I still can’t believe she is so grown up. One day she’s a tiny little red-headed chubby monkey baby and the next she’s talking about getting invited to a boy’s birthday party. Um, no. Angel ended up having two birthday parties and a third kind of party. She had […]

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A Good Day

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Let’s see if I can remember this blogging thing. Yesterday was my birthday. The past two years on my birthday I’ve cried, sulked, felt sorry for myself, shopped and went to a movie. I realize those things are not all bad, however I’ve used them as a way to run from the pain of losing […]

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Saying goodbye to one baby girl and hello to another

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Yesterday was quite the emotional day. At about 6:45 am I was on my way to work and I got a text from Jim that said he and Leana were at the hospital and that baby Cleo was on her way! OH MY WORD!! How was I supposed to work all day? Thankfully Jim did a […]

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